Return of the...BLEHHHHH

WOAH.

It has been some time since I properly sat down and decided to write something on this blog. Reading back on some of the entries, all I could think was, WHAT A WORRY WART I WAS/AM.

Why did I decide to come back to writing on a blog? I guess it stems from the need, to kind of keep in contact with people in Singapore. And yes, I am flying off to Australia in another 24 hours. It is probably, one of those way I can let people know what exactly is going on over here(not that anyone bothers-.-), but just let me be ok. HAHA. I still do my private reflections if you wonder, but I do not think it is suitable content for this blog. HAHA.

absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or in my case, Pre-absence. I find myself missing my family, friends, and life on this sunny little island. I wallowed in a little self pity(ok a lot) before I felt, I could really enjoy this maybe. I cannot have such negative thoughts running loose in my mind. Entering my next phase in life might be a little daunting, but it is a rite of passage as Ms Chong puts it. I have to just go with an open mind. A positive outlook would help too.

I do have to count myself lucky. Count myself lucky for the fact I was given another option when dear NUS medicine decided to write me off. Count myself lucky that I am the last child and there is no more liability for my parents after me(I AM A LIABILTY I ADMIT THAT! HAHA). Count myself lucky, I have the full support of my family and friends(I hope) to pursue my selfish little dream. I am Lucky. I should not loathe this and should embrace this.

You know it is funny, for me being a 20(I know I'm 21 this year but I want to be as young as I can ok)(I still do silly dumb things a 3 year old might be ashamed to do)(I skyped to cow, when he and I were in the same room.....) year old, I'm uncharacteristically superstitious. I believe in feng shui. Ok believe is an understatement, I know. FYI, blue black and green are my lucky colours, and I lack the element water, so....You get the idea. I believe in age old myths like how the moon cuts your ears if you point to it. I never bother cutting my nails at night, it is bad luck for your parents. I believe the only reason why I got 5As for A levels is because I wrote on a balloon, "I WANT TO GET AT LEAST 5AS FOR A LEVELS" during graduation day in PJC when we were handed balloons.I went mad with frenzy at the temples in Tokyo and bought myself a whole load of amulets for safety etc...I know. But I have to say, I still greatly believe what I heard from the feng shui master when I went to her a few years back.

I have a weighted life(It is good as far as I know) and although, I might not have the best ren(2) yuan(2)(affinity for people is what I want to know it is. It is more commonly known as EQ) compared to people, I will meet people that are invaluable. What this means basically is, I might not be the most popular person( trust me i know that long time ago=/) but I will have enough luck to make good friends.

I used to be so bummed that I would have so little friends, so little people around me that would bother and stuff. But, as I matured(hard to believe i know), I realised the importance of having great friends, than many "hi-bye" acquaintances. It might be a simple equation to people, quality over quantity, but for a person with MANY insecurities, this revelation does not come along easily. Family, is something one cannot choose(no offence here, I have the best family in the world. I Know it.). But friends, you can. My friends, most of them chose me. And most of them have stuck by me till now. It is a great honour because I believe friends are the family you choose for yourselves. I know it is more likely that my friends chose me rather than me choosing them, especially since I like to withdraw from crowds. And I thank all of you for being that friend you were for me. You know you are one of them if you bothered to read this anyways.

You know, it is probably the reason I do not want to leave Singapore. I hate to leave my comfort capsule I have made for myself, with my friends and family. But that is silly, because for one, I know, that comfort capsule will always be there, whenever I need it, whenever I want it. It is weird, but I know, no matter how many people enter and leave my life, I know there are always these few people who will still be there in my life, who will still be part of my life. And that is the reason, why I would go the extra mile for them. I know, they would too.

Isn't it comforting to know?

6 years is a long time, and a lot can happen. But somehow, I'm so certain, my comfort capsule would be as strong when I finish my degree, if not, stronger. :)

no time for insecurities, gotta respect my youth and just go for it BABEHHHHHH! HAHAH